Enter the dragon

Dragon boating is a bit like going for a curry - it's talked up for weeks, then it's over disappointingly quickly and you wake up the next day with a sore arse.

This weekend was the Singapore Dragon Boat Festival. Two glorious days of lazing around in the sunshine punctuated only by brief bursts of the most intense physical activity I have ever experienced. If you're reading this in the UK you're probably unfamiliar with the concept of a dragon boat (and / or sunshine) so I shall begin at the beginning.

Dragon boats (龍舟 or 龍船) are long thin boats that originated in China. There's a big scary dragon's face on one end and a little stumpy tail on the other. They usually hold twenty people, sat in ten rows of two, each with a paddle for, well, paddling (you usually sit the same side each time so you do run the risk of developing one super muscley arm and one puny one). Then there's a drummer at the front who sets the rhythm, and a cox at the back who steers and shouts incessant brazen innuendoes like "harder, faster, deeper," at the top of his / her voice. The general aim is for everyone to paddle in perfect synchrony and move the boat forward as quickly as you can. It's kind of like rowing, except not for tossers.

Here's one in action:


Whatever the original purpose of dragon boats might have been, they've gradually evolved into an excuse for the expat community of Singapore to go paddle around and then drink beer on a Saturday afternoon. It's something I had wanted to do ever since I was a kid so I went along. Okay, something I had wanted to do since I arrived in Singapore. Okay, something I'd heard of. Okay fine, I had nothing better to do and I heard there was free beer. Happy now?

Anyway I'd been going along to Saturday training with the British team for a few weeks now but had yet to experience a proper race, so I was rather looking forward to this weekend. It began - you'll be genuinely shocked to hear - with a hangover and a McDonald's breakfast. God bless globalization.

The festival itself was massive. There were a ton of different teams - each assigned their own little tent along the side of the reservoir. A quick look at the lineup and I decided that the Singapore Armed Forces was probably the one to avoid. Was quietly confident about the Microsoft Recreational Club Team C though.

It was all rather a carnival atmosphere - completed by the naff commentary blaring out of tinny speakers. Predictably enough for Singapore the festival was immaculately organized and offensively efficient. We were called up to the start line ages before each race actually started, thus ensuring that we got nicely warmed up and fired up, only to get out on the water and sit around getting sunburnt and swearing at the German boat for 20 minutes. Splendid.

This particular event was 800 metres, which takes around 4 minutes. I actually don't think I've known an adrenaline rush like it. All boats start from stationary, so it's quite a job to get up to speed in a short space of time. When the buzzer goes you just paddle like your life depended on it, and you don't even think about stopping till you reach the finish line. I think I quite regularly forgot to breathe in fact. With twenty people in the boat all doing exactly the same thing it's team sport taken to a whole new level. There is almost no potential to shine as an individual - you just give it your all and hope that everyone else is doing the same. It's absolutely exhausting.

With the whole boat being encouraged in training to shout more (it was all very British stiff upper lip - 'good job chaps' type of stuff) I actually got surprisingly sweary on the day. I'm pretty sure I shouted "come on - let's f*cking 'ave this" on more than one occasion. Hard to be sure though. It's all a bit of a blur.

I took part in five races over the two days. We got to the final of the expat competition (beating both German teams in the semis) but lost out to the Canadians, Americans and Aussies. We got to the semis in one of the other categories but lost out to a couple of the university teams. They pretty much swept the board in fact, but then they train 5 times a week so good luck to them. Losers.

Needless to say I was in serious pain on Monday. Mostly from the boating but also the post-race booze-up and the fact that the Euro final finished at 4.45 AM. And three days later I've started peeling like a leper. But all in all it was a bloody fun weekend so it's all gravy. And of course it's a massive tick in the "stuff you can't do at home" box.

In other news - having spent 2 months cooking up extravagant meals and freezing them in single serving tupperwares I then left my freezer open all day on Sunday. So, to my chagrin, I have spent the past three days eating extravagant defrosted meals out of single serving tupperwares. Have got a couple of chicken curries that aren't going to make it - let me know if you're interested and I'll pop them in the post.

What news from Londres?